Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The power of my boobs compel you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize