just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize