the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
