fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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