Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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