ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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