Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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