im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
