Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Shame is for Republicans.
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