remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
