Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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