First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
