I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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