Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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