Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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