i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
