Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize