okay pat passed out under dana's car
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
