I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
