Dual....:-)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
