you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
