Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
