marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
