I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
