Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
