called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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