So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
