I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
