that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
