woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
