Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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