I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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