He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
