Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
two words: eviction party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
