i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
