apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
