Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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