I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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