Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
