i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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