I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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