is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
