when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
