just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
