I want to walk on stilts...naked
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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