The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
