The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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