i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My ass is underappreciated
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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