on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
