i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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