fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
