You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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