Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
