they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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