Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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