he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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