My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
