TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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