I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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