I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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