if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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