I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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