yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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