Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she smelled like a LAN party
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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