I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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