I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh god it's open bar.
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