i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
