God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
