If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
