I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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